There have been so many occasions when I have come to a point in my career where I just can’t seem to manage to make the right choices. I see other people seemingly flowing through life like there are no problems at all. I find myself getting majorly frustrated by things and I just can’t seem to get a grasp of why. I then learnt about my limiting beliefs. These are subconscious stories that we tell ourselves about the world. One of my strongest ones is that people are weak and need me to help them. This can manifest itself in so many different ways from not being able to tell someone something that will be difficult to hear to jumping in on a question to answer for someone who seems to be struggling. This can sometimes hinder my progress and the progress of others. This seems deeply irrational, which quite frankly it is, but they are there in everyone. So, where do they come from and why do they stick around?
Everyone’s beliefs are formed when they are children. They are an amalgamation of all the outside influences you had as a child, whether that is your parents, your siblings, your teachers or your grandparents. If your parents had a bad relationship with money, they didn’t value it, they thought it was the root of all evil, chances are you do too. If your siblings mocked hard work and didn’t think it was cool to try, chances are you may too. The ideas and beliefs are never in your immediate conscious mind, it takes some searching and reflection to discover them.
So why are they still there when you are a now a proper grown up? You now have much more knowledge and wisdom about the world yet these irrational beliefs persist. Well the fact is none of these will stay with you unless they or you are gaining something from it. That may be perceived as positive thing or negative thing. It may be that these beliefs have always enabled you to get attention from others. Perhaps you have a belief about the fact you can never make any money. You make comments about how poor you are or how you just can’t afford to do that activity because you just don’t have the money. This then gets the attention of others, they help you pay for things, they offer to give you things or help you out in ways. It has happened since you were young. People would buy you pint’s when you were out or offer to give you lifts. It is just who you are and how the world is.
Do you ever think the best method of getting your team to work is being hard on them? Maybe you have a belief that people get things done through immense pressure. They aren’t working hard, I admonish them, completely, wholeheartedly until they get it right. If they don’t they are weak and they do not belong here. If you feel people who show emotions or can’t handle pressure are weak, that is a belief that will seriously limit your ability to grow a diverse and thriving team. It persists in you because when you are harsh, people take notice. You think that they respect you when in fact they fear you. Perhaps it is this perceived respect that perpetuates this belief.
This attention was what your ego needed and it is all you know to this day. The downside is this learned behaviour perpetuates your belief. Then this belief limits your capacity to accept money coming your way or be patient with people. These are facts about the world. Well the reality is that they are simply beliefs you have gotten from someone else. Now you are older and wiser it is time you recognised these in yourself and did something about it. But how do you change these beliefs? What can be done when they are so hardwired? How do you even see them? Well next week I will show you how to identify them in yourself and what you can do to change them for more helpful beliefs.